Thursday, February 14, 2013

Day 46- Ignorance

As the semester vacation begins, everyone return to their homes. To their families, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. Unfortunately, I have nowhere to go (long story, legal issues), so I'm staying in Vienna for the whole vacation. 
However, it doesn't mean a good thing necessarily. No, for me right now, it means empty halls. Eco of your own and only foot steps.  Knowing that you are the only one left in your floor. Having an empty room for the whole month. 
I have no idea what is going on with me in the last period of time, but I seem to have lost any purpose in life. Again, a very strange thing to say for a 18 year old girl. 
But seriously. I cant enjoy anything. I don't want anything. I don't want to do anything, to the horrible extinct that I can stay in the bed for the whole day, watching stupid serials in the computer. Not even listening to what the characters are saying. Just staring at the screen. 
Not caring about my family. Ignoring them, like they are just some annoying person that keeps on sending you messages. How is this possible that a person in my age wont miss his mother, not even think about her for more that 2 weeks? 
What is wrong with me? 


I don't have depression. Or any other melancholic psychotic disorders. I want to believe that I have "stupidity" or "laziness". And that I will get out of this very very soon. 
Don't judge me, don't think that I'm miserable or lonely or don't have friends or something like this. I assume that i'm not in a very good place right now, and I need to figure it out on my own. 
Maybe tomorrow will be nicer to me..

Days left: 44 
Smylik

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